I Can't Dance, But I Can Type

During my recent excursion at Mensa happy hour, the conversation turned to the subject of dance. Swing dancing, contra dancing -- it seemed like everyone sitting near me did some form of dancing. Not me. I am very...uncoordinated? Klutzy? Arhythmic? My last attempt to go out and dance was a very traumatic experience -- for both my dance partner and myself. I just couldn't seem to learn the steps.

So part of what I need to learn to do is accept that I can't dance; there are many other wonderful aspects to my personality. And hopefully the subject of dancing won't come up every time I hang out with Mensans.

And yet, and yet...do I need to accept myself as who I am, or do I need to improve myself? Or both? Always forward I say, so I have strapped on my in-line skates (Rollerblades^TM, for those less trademark-averse) and vowed to do battle against my inherent tendency to fall down.

Skating is easy. It must be. I went to a free skating clinic recently and after minimal instruction, everybody was skating smoothly around the parking lot. Except me (OK, and somebody else, but we'll ignore her since she complicates my point). I sucked. I don't like sucking; I like being really good at things.

So here's my plan: stop sucking. Then transfer my newly found coordination skills to other things that I've hitherto avoided due to my klutziness. Skiing? Roller disco? The possibilities are endless.

Can I pull this off? I don't know. It's been a while since I tried to add a new skill like this. But I remember in 10th grade when I took typing class. I sucked. Partway through the first quarter of it, I was failing the class. So I bought a typing book (the typing teacher was useless), and practiced, practiced, practiced. I brought my grade up to a C for the quarter, a B for the next quarter, and I got an A on the final exam, for a semester grade of "B". Only non-A I got during my Senior High years. But boy was I proud of it. And I spend all day using the typing skills on the computer keyboard (except for the ones involving "correction tape").

So I can type. But I can't dance. Yet. Give me a year. Or two.

Mensa and Transportation

I got my "Offer of Membership" from Mensa today. On the enclosed envelope, do they really need to say "First-Class Postage Required Post Office will not deliver without proper postage." Hel-lo. I qualify for Mensa, remember? I think I could have figured that out on my own. It annoys me when the power company does this; it's just ridiculous that Mensa does.

The letter accompanying the offer encourages me to "contact your local group and begin participating in some of the activities in your area." Actually, I already have. Friday night, I went to Mensa Happy Hour at Zorba's. Following that, the Singles SIG went for dessert and Xando, and afterwards three of us went over to someone's apartment building to chat. At around 12:45, I announced that I had to leave to attempt to catch the last Metro train back home. As I was riding the escalator down into the Dupont Circle station, I heard the announcement that the last Red Line train for Glenmont was now on the platform. Ouch. Too late. I hailed a cab, and as I was riding, wondered how much he was going to charge me. After all, in DC, they have that silly zone system. I didn't know what they did for DC to Maryland trips. Oh, well, I figured, I'd pay whatever it was and next time be more careful, if it was ridiculous. But he checked the trip counter, looked on a chart, and the total came to $20 with a (generous) tip. Not bad.

The next evening I went to a birthday party of a Mensan I had met the previous evening. The party was in Northern Virginia, and I had a choice between driving and Metro. Plus for Metro: I wouldn't have to watch my alcohol intake as closely. Plus for Driving: I wouldn't have to try to catch the last train again. Plus for Metro: The invitation said I had to get a visitor permit, or my car would get towed. Plus for Driving: I'd have to catch a Metrobus. Advantage: Driving.

And when I got there, the advantage seemed to tip even more in favor of Driving, as the birthday girl informed me that since her apartment building was out of permits, they had canceled towing for the night. And, since I stayed until 2, I would have had to take an even more expensive cab ride home. But when I left the building, my car was not where I had parked it. The same thing had happened to a fellow party-goer. Oh, crap. As we walked back into the building, we heard the maintenance guy telling someone on the phone, "I canceled towing for the evening!" He turned out to be very nice; he gave us a ride to the impound lot, and signed to have the apartment building charged for the towing fee until the "misunderstanding" was cleared up. And I made my way home eventually, although not before getting lost and touring parts of DC and PG County I hadn't planned to see (ever).

So despite my problems getting home both nights, I had a good time. As with any group, some people annoyed me, but I found some interesting people to talk to. So I'm accepting the offer of membership. I just hope I don't forget to put a stamp on my reply.

Teevee

Raspberry-flavored wine. It sounds like something Prince would sing about drinking right before he got his freak on.

The latest of one of many pieces at teevee.org that have amused me is Philip Michaels' piece Red, Red Whine. I haven't seen the commercial; let me know if you have.

Trivia

I went out last night with friends to play NTN trivia. On the way home, I thought about coming back and writing about NTN, but I ended up in a traffic jam. (At 11 PM! What's up with that?) When I got home, I was too tired to write about it. Martin wasn't.

Sadly, Themestream is no more, so that link no longer works. -- 24 Mar 2005

Uncle Petros

On my plane ride back from Belgium, I read Uncle Petros and Goldbach's Conjecture. For those of you not mathematical, Goldbach's Conjecture is that ever even number greater than 2 can be written as the sum of two primes. So, for example, 28=23+5. 100=3+97.

Those of you who know me know that I am a number theorist, so it's hard for me to read this book as anything other than a story about number theory. But I'll try. The narrator's Uncle Petros devotes his life to trying to prove Goldbach's Conjecture. Goldbach's Conjecture is one of the oldest unsolved problems in number theory (since though it has been confirmed for every number tried, it has never been proven true of all numbers). Though it isn't a central question in mathematics, its proof would undoubtedly be a work requiring many interesting advances; in fact, many interesting advances have already resulted from proof attempts.

There I go, making it about the number theory. The point is, Goldbach's Conjecture is a hard problem. Anyone who solved it would likely be known throughout the ages. And that's part of what attracts Uncle Petros -- the chance for "immortality". But the flip side is that anyone who attacks the problem -- no matter how brilliant -- is unlikely to solve it. So Uncle Petros tries, and fails, and is perceived never to solve anything because he can't prove the one thing he is trying to prove. That, says the narrator's father, is Uncle Petro's problem -- his failure to set "attainable goals".

So in a very simple sense, the book is a cautionary tale...set your sights too high, and you're doomed to failure. I have actually seen this happen far too often in mathematics, and it's one reason I'm a little glad to be out of the academic world. "Oh, he only got a partial result." "Oh, his theorems are just generalizations of others' work." "Oh, he has a tenure-track position, but it's not at Princeton." Sometimes mathematicians act as if anything less than transcendant genius is to be derided.

But it's really not that. After all, if nobody ever tries to prove Goldbach's Conjecture, nobody ever will. Clearly Uncle Petros is unbalanced -- having one impossible goal and being tormented by failing to meet it. So maybe what is need is both unattainable goals and accepting an inability to meet them. Reach for the stars, but be happy with the moon.

D&D Update

In the latest installment, we go deep into the earth to rescue some lost miners.

US 4, South Africa 0

Ben, George and I went to RFK yesterday to watch the US play South Africa in soccer. When George went to get the tickets, he asked for the cheapest 3 seats together you could get. Even though there were $18 tickets, they sold him $25 tickets...which turned out to be great seats. Best seats I've ever had to a soccer game. 10 rows from the pitch, on about the 45-yard-line (if you'll excuse the American football reference). So the extra $7 was definitely worth it.

I figured with the US playing South Africa, the American fans would be the loudest. That's not always the case; when we went to see the US play Jamaica a couple of years ago, the Jamaicans out-cheered the Americans even if they didn't number them. I figure that most Americans aren't interested in coming to a soccer game. But if you're a Jamaican or South African living within driving distance of DC, you're going to show up when your team comes to play. Since there aren't as many South Africans as Jamaicans, US fans did dominate, but there still were a fair number of South Africans. One woman came by waving her South African flag and hit Ben and me with it. I was indignant until a guy dressed in red, white and blue came by with a drum and hit me in the head with that. Yeah, I guess Americans can be even more obnoxious. There were some South Africans sitting behind us yelling all the time in Zulu or some South African language. They'd switch into English every once in a while for obscenities. Or maybe they were swearing in both languages.

The game itself was a lot of fun to watch. I love watching soccer games in person, and it was a nice day to do so. The constant action is hypnotic, and a contrast to most American sports. Most of the game was spent with the US on offense, though both teams had a number of chances to score. The US just had more, and took advantage of them. Cobi Jones was amazing, scoring 2 goals and assisting on the other 2. So we came out of it a winner, and hopefully we'll win the (essentially meaningless) US Cup. I'm really excited about the World Cup qualifying, though. I read that the US may play Cuba at RFK in September; that's definitely a match I want to be there for.

Look here for a summary of the game.

Kevin Smith Chat

"The UPN pitch meeting was classic. We didn't have to pitch. They said, 'Look, we don't care what the show's about. Just bring it here. We need programs.'

We could've 'xeroxed' our asses for a half hour and they would've let it run for at least two seasons. ABC wouldn't let us 'xerox' our asses, so I regret going with that particular network."

If only the 'Clerks' TV show last night had been as funny as this Kevin Smith interview on cnn.com.

Superstar!

I watched Superstar tonight. It is, of course, based on Molly Shannon's Mary Katherine Gallagher character. If you like the sketches on SNL, then this movie is worth your while. It doesn't feel like a sketch gone on too long, but it's instead an absurd gag of a movie. Beforehand, I felt like I had probably seen the funniest parts in the trailer, which showed Mary Katherine french-kissing a tree. But what the trailer didn't show, which was even funnier, was Mary Katherine talking dirty to the tree. 3 stars, but keep in mind there was no way this movie was getting any more than 3 stars. So it played well above expectations.

By contrast, Clerks the TV show was fairly disappointing. I like Kevin Smith, but the TV show just was flat until the end -- the dream sequence and Korean animation really made me laugh. Maybe things will pick up next week.

Time Code

I saw "Time Code" yesterday. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to see a movie where four different camera shots are displayed simulatenously in the four corners of the screen? If you have, then see this movie. If you haven't...well, now that I've mentioned it, doesn't it pique your curiosity?

"Time Code" was shot with four digital cameras in one continuous take. Neat trick. That's what it is -- a trick -- and the movie makes fun of those who would ascribe more pretentious motives to this sort of filmmaking. But I did say neat trick. After a while it becomes sort of hypnotic as your gaze passes from scene to scene, and then all of a sudden two scenes overlap, but from different angles... For some reason, I never could concentrate too much on what was going on in the upper right.

The story itself is enough to fill the hour and a half, but nothing more. In the setting of a production company, x has an affair with y, y has an affair with z, movies are pitched. The comedy is the best part of it; particularly memorable is the description of an imaginary Trey Parker/Matt Stone concept called "Time Toilet".

Worth the price of admission. 3 1/2 stars.

Completely Mental, I Must Say

I went to a Mensa "New Members Reception" over the weekend. I approached it with some trepidation. I mean, what kind of people join an organization whose only entrance criterion is scoring well on an intelligence test? I mean, really. Stop for a second and get a mental image.

There. I have no idea what your mental image is, but wasn't that fun? One of the mental images I formed was of a bunch of complete geeks. Now far be it from me to get high-and-mighty on this subject, but I prefer the company of self-aware, ironic geeks. Anyway, another image that I got was of my friends from CTY, a program for academically talented kids I attended as a youth. They were a blast, and the only standard to get in there was scoring well on the SAT in middle school. So...I decided to roll the dice and take a chance. I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen? If I didn't feel like joining, I'd have material for a weblog entry.

About an hour into the party, I was composing a weblog entry in my mind. Not for the total-geek reason I imagined, but well...the first title that sprung to mind was "Older and Wiser." 90% of the people there were over 40. Don't get me wrong, I like people over-40, but it wasn't exactly the social scene I was looking for. I was wondering what happened...is this a manifestation of the Baby Boomer dominance of our population? Is Mensa an idea that has come and gone, and these are the aging remnants of a once-thriving group?

But I stuck around for the announcements, after wading through a lot of polite chatter and trying to explain to people where I work. A woman belonging to the younger 10% stood up and introduced herself as the co-ordinator of the Singles SIG. She explained that Singles did not mean that she was "here to introduce you to your soulmate" or that you weren't in a couple; it rather meant you were there by yourself to do things "targeted at the 21-to-35 age range". (So why the name? I'm new here; I haven't asked such questions yet.)

Anyway, the "21-to-35" comment caught my attention, so I went up to ask her some questions and instead found myself being bombarded by them. "Why are you here?" "What did you hope to get out of this?" "Why would you think anyone my age would want to come to one of these events?" It turned out that she was really annoyed by Metropolitan Washington Mensa's means of introducing new members to the group, and wanted to use me to prove a point.

Cool. Bitter is interesting. Bitter I like better than cocktail party chit-chat. Anyway, after the party, some members (including a couple of the 10%) went out to dinner at "EatZi's" and I joined them. It was a better setting to get to know people, and I had a good time. I was convinced that the Singles SIG might provide a more entertaining way to mingle with these Mensans. And...well, I'm sitting here with my application and my GRE scores, and thinkin' about sending them in...

Beer Snob

I'm a beer snob. I admit it. Unlike many of my peers whose introduction to beer was sneaking their dad's Coors Light, I started drinking beer at age 22. After visiting my parents in England, I realized that the only thing I'd get when ordering a soda in a pub was a warm thimbleful of Coke. That wasn't going to do, so I had to learn how to drink beer. Real beer. English beer.

I enlisted the assistance of my friends, some of whom were more helpful than others. Some said that it was best to start with bad beer, since that has less taste, and as you're starting, you don't like the taste of beer. Bah. I didn't get into this to drink bad beer; I wanted to drink good beer. With the help of The Globe, I started to drink Bass. Where my parents lived in Yorkshire, Old Peculier was the local drink. Most outsiders thought it was too dark and too strong, so of course I had to adopt it. It remains a favorite to this date.

Last night, four of us went out to The Brickskeller in DC. They claim to have 800 beers, and I believe them. It was a real beer snob's delight. I had a bottle of Straffe Hendrik to remind me of my recent trip to Belgium. Actually, since the bottle is 750 ml and 8.5% alcohol, my memory was sort of fuzzy at the end. Then a bottle of Keo to remind me of my '94 trip to Cyprus. Then a bottle of Old Peculier, of course, to remind me of England. Then a bottle of Dock Street Illuminator to...well, it's beer and it tastes good, damn it. I won't refuse the occasional Budweiser, but it's nice to go to a place where "we have all kinds of beers" doesn't mean "Bud, Bud Light, Miller, Miller Light, Michelob, Michelob Light..."

Primary Colors

"Governor Jack Stanton seduced me..."

The novel by Joe Klein ("Anonymous") is a thinly disguised re-telling of the 1992 Democratic Presidential primary...at least the first part of it. This book gave me the most insight into the Clintons' behavior since I learned that they once claimed a tax deduction for used underwear donated to the Salvation Army. Governor Jack Stanton (aka Bill Clinton) stumbles his way through the primary campaign with a combination of dumb luck, bad behavior, policy smarts and, above all, overwhelming sincerity.

I think some on the right see the sincerity as "fake", but in my opinion, one of the maddening things about the Clintons is that they think they're right. Every dodge they take, every time they seem to be shoveling another load of horse manure on the American public...I really think they believe that what's best for them is best for the country.

Anyway, like I said, the book gets a little odd at the end with some dramatic turns that unfortunately never happened in real life (well, it would have been more entertaining that way). I had earlier seen the movie, which is very faithful to the book. I recommend experiencing one of them.

Images of Brugge

I've posted pictures from my trip. Enjoy.